If you’re a good parent you occasionally read to your kid. Everyone knows the favorites…Seuss, Boynton, Carle, etc. There are also many children’s books that have driven parents to the brink during what should have been an enjoyable story time.

As a rule, I don’t throw books away but Big Red Barnis one of those titles that have come close to sitting at the bottom of the kitchen trash. The only reason it’s still around is because 1) it was given to my child by a well-meaning friend, and 2) my kid loves it.

Every time I’m forced to read this unrealistic tale about farm animals enjoying a day without people in what is an obvious and poorly written homage to Animal Farm the bibliophile in me feels physically ill.

Here’s why you should spare yourself the trouble.

Page 1:
“By the big red barn
In (notice the capital “I” for no reason) the great green field,

Page 2:
“There (starting a new page with a capital even though the previous page ended with a comma) was a pink pig
Who (another capital for no reason other than an indentation) was learning to squeal.

Page 3:
And on every barn
Is a weather vane, of course-
A golden flying horse.
(wtf?)

Page 6:
But in this story the children are away (What kind of author starts a sentence with “But”? One must also never reference they story as being a story. Way to pull the kid right out of their dream-like state.)
Only the animals are here today.

–

That’s all I’m going to copy lest I get sued.

The author starts eight sentences in this 32 page cardboard book with “And,” the pages are littered with fragments (my favorite being, “In the field.”), and the rhyming was anything but consistent.

Smart parents beware. This book will puzzle your sensibilities and completely throw off your voice inflections. My daughter is never tired when it is over.

Two thumbs down.

Image used without permission from Amazon.com

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Smart Mom Jewelry is the first in our new series of “Swag For Mom” giveaways. Initially there was only going to be one freebie a month but since the news got out, I’ve been contacted by other companies who have gifts for lucky moms so stay tuned.

First up: Smart Mom Jewelry, best known for their Teething Bling wants to give one mom a Teething Bling Gift Set! Amy Maurer Creel and Kendra LaDuca joined forces to create this amazingly successful company in 2002. Since the launch, they’ve been featured in a slew of print and online media as well as NBC’s The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch.

Anyone with babies knows how fast keys, bracelets and bank cards become teething objects. Amy shares how Smart Mom Jewelry came about:

“The company was started after an “ah ha” moment in a grocery store. Kendra was shopping with her then 8-month old who kept chewing on her watch. She wasn’t sure it was safe but it was keeping her occupied – and the shopping needed to be done! – so she let her do it. She then started thinking about making jewelry for Moms that served the dual-purpose of being pretty and attractive for the adult wearer but also safe and fun for the curious baby. “

The Teething Bling Gift Set includes a Teething Bling pendant and matching bangle set of your choice plus personalized gift card in one of three designs (girl, boy or neutral).

To enter send an email with the subject “Teething Bling Giveaway” and your name and phone number in the body to onecrazymother@gmail.com by Tuesday, May 20th 8pm PST.

www.smartmomjewelry.com

Good luck!!

More giveaways coming! Think tutus, ice cream, books, baby clothes, and more…

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